Watch “Drugstore GRWM” on YouTube

Just a simple all drugstore GRWM where I talk a bit about makeup. ūüėČ

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I’m a bit exhausted with makeup

Wearing makeup used to be many things for me. At first, when I started wearing it, it was just concealer. Then I got into the heavy black eyeliner on some days and years later in college, I had a love affair with lipstick that is still ongoing. In between then I learned how to do a lot of different eye shadow looks but that my thing was always complexion–it couldn’t be too heavy but I needed spot concealer for my spots and discoloration.

Makeup became fun for me around the time I started to have really serious struggles with OCD and I needed something artistic to help me feel good about myself. I created many different eye looks and had a lot of fun playing with my look without attaching it to who I was as a person.

When makeup became less fun was when I started to have skin issues. I recently identified the problem (hormonal birth control) but it’s going to take a bit for my body to regulate itself out and for me to feel comfortable with myself again.

Now, at this present moment in time, I’ve lost a lot of enthusiasm for makeup. I dislike feeling the need to wear it. I hate how my skin looks, but I still hate the feel of foundation so I stick to my tinted moisturizer and concealer.

Now I just want to feel good about myself and my skin. I’m tired of eye shadow and makeup all the time. I just want skincare and comfortability. To look like me but a bit better. To be travel friendly and really low maintenance with my makeup use for the most part. I’m just tired of trying to make myself feel better using the external. I want to feel good and have a happy relationship with myself.

This post isn’t to shame anyone. I myself still wear makeup, but right now it feels out of need, like someone is going to spit at me on the street if they see how ugly I look without it. And that’s not a pleasant way to feel about something I until recently, enjoyed so much.

Below I inserted pictures of me on a bad skin day with makeup on and one without makeup. One day, hopefully sooner rather than later, I hope to be happier with the picture on the right. Until then, I’m going to try to trudge out of this funk.

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High-end Haul/ Review

Okay let’s get started here! I’ve purchased a lot of makeup over the past few months that I was away and I’ve had the ability to test it all out and really form my impressions. I’ll do this by brand.

MAC:

I purchased two MAC lipsticks after I got a sample of Velvet Teddy (the lipstick I’ve always wanted from MAC) and Diva. Since both of the lipstick looked good on me I decided to purchase them both and I can’t say that I’ve been happier with the colors. Diva is this excellent burgundy that is so flattering, especially in these months and Velvet Teddy is the nude lipstick I’ve always dreamed about. One compliant that I do have is that both lipsticks are drying but if you prep your lips before hand it’s not a big deal and the colors stay all day without a replication needed. They ¬†also smell fantastic. I highly recommend this two colors.

Stila:

I got a sample from Sephora of their Stay All Day Matte Liquid lipsticks and I couldn’t be happier with the formula or the color in Baci. It’s a grey pinkish nude color and I never would have picked it for myself but it is beautiful. The formula is fairly nondrying and stays on beautifully.

Hourglass:

I tried a sample of their Lip Stylo in the shade Peacemaker and the formula in many ways is the exact opposite of the Stila one… it’s not as full color and the formula is creamy rather than matte but I am extremely happy with this formula and color. It matches my lips so well, appears very natural all while making my lips look fuller and healthier. Go Hourglass! Now I just wish the brand wasn’t so darned expensive because I adore their products.

SEPHORA FAVORITES
Instant Texture Dry Styling Spray Collection:

This collection is really great for short wavy hair like mine. Honestly nothing much to say here. Just that the effect is subtle with some of the products and the Verb Sea Salt spray isn’t my favorite Sea Salt Spray (that mantle belongs to a drug store hair product from the Not Your Mother’s line) but it’s good and it smells like the sea. The stand out product in this box has to be the¬†Drybar Triple Sec 3-in-1 because of it’s delicious smell but I noticed the most results from the¬†IGK Beach Club Texture Spray (even if it did make my hair a little stiff it added a nice gritty texture that is so great for hair with waves and layers).

Clinique:

I was looking for a mask that I could use to help my oily skin mattify a little bit and I found that with the¬†CLINIQUE¬†Pore Refining Solutions Charcoal Mask. It’s very basic but it works extremely well and it actually helps get rid of my acne faster! I’m a big fan of this mask and I think Clinique is often looked over skincare wise but this mask wasn’t too expensive, you get a ton of product, and it doesn’t have an harsh ingredients. Definitely something I will repurchase if I ever should run out.¬†

Drunk Elephant:

Their Vitamin C serum is a holy grail product for me. It’s already started to get rid of my hormonal acne marks that I got from having an IUD. This product is expensive as all hell but it works like no other. It works better than the Glossier Super Glow Serum (which I admittedly liked). If you’re looking to spend on skin care, really consider this but make sure you wear sunscreen with Vitamin C products.

Anastasia Beverly Hills:

I know the Subculture pallet got a lot of hate but I actually really like it. It’s not a love of mine like the Modern Renaissance palette is but the color scheme is like nothing I have in my collection and I can create beautiful cool and warm looks. The green/ blue shades are lovely and the glitter shades are best applied patted on with your finger or with a dense brush. Two warnings I have for the shades: Dawn is quite a bit powdery but it’s still very workable and the shade Edge oxidizes to a darker brown/ yellow than what you see in the pan. Also keep in mind that these are basically pressed pigments so the palette could have a little bit of a learning curve if you don’t have a light hand. Just be gentle and you will come up with something beautiful. Below is a slightly smudged out look I got using the palette. It’s not my best, but it’s definitely smokey and I’m ¬† quite happy. What doesn’t pick up in the picture is the beautiful gold that I pressed on my lids. I clearly just need a better camera!

Also don’t forget that I have a YouTube Makeup channel now. Here’s the link to my latest gradient lip tutorial:¬†Sunset Gradient Lip Tutorial

Where the Hell was I: Goal Update

So my OCD and Depression got the better of me in the months of July and August. I’m not going to sugarcoat that in any post. However, I’m getting better now and I’m on medicine that works instead of flying solo. ¬†That being said, I did make a huge amount of progress towards my goals and I want to share that progress. I also want to encourage anyone who has similar issues to seek help or even comment/ send me a message if you want to talk about anything.

Job:¬†I was hired and then consequentially let go from my job because of an injury I received to my hand. I severed two tendons in my pinky and underwent hand surgery. I have the splint off my hand now and I’m going to physical therapy appointments to get my range of motion back. Despite all this, I still have some possibilities lined up for a job after my treatment is through and I actually quite excited about them. Much more excited than I was about my previous employment situation. ūüôā So take that, previous employer (excuse my bitterness, please)!

GREs:¬†I decided once and for all that I want to be a Mental Health Counselor. I scheduled my GREs test date for the 4th of November and I’m studying the Math (and other sections) like hell. This time around I’m in a good place to actively work towards my goals and I’m really getting there. Thankfully a couple of schools won’t need my test scores but I’m still going to do as well as I can.

Cooking:¬†I couldn’t cook with my splint/ brace on but I hope to get back into it (trust me, I tried and cracked a couple of eggs on the counter by mistake). I made rice balls a couple of months ago and I’d like to try making different flavored ones now. And master how in the fuck you’re supposed to use a rice maker.

Transportation:¬†I’m doing rather well on this front. I got a new health insurance that helps me get me to appointments and I have more freedom. I also made friends that help me get places and give me a great sense of peace. I’m very happy to be where I am right now and to get focused on getting my license. Thank goodness for MassHealth.

Volunteering/ Classes:¬†I’m applying to seven schools in the Massachusetts area. I’ve already asked for recommendations and I’m getting a draft of my personal statement done. My aim is to start my MA/ PHD/ or MSW in Fall 2018. I’m really doing this.

I’m also taking a bread making class starting in October. I’m beyond excited for that as well. ūüôā I always wanted to learn how to make homemade bread with my hands. Plus I get to bring my creations home!

Dating:¬†I have some stuff going on on this front. Nothing too much because I’m really taking recovery first. Mostly I’m excited that I’ve been making friends and enjoying life again.

That’s it! What are your goals for the month and how have you been doing? Also, I’ll have quite a few hauls/ review posts coming up soon for both skincare and makeup.

 

June: New Findings and Favorites

June has been a trying month and I’d be remiss if I didn’t say I’m happy (though somewhat nostalgic since it’s the first month since I’ve received my BA) that this month is coming to a close. Here are my favorite things from this month that helped keep me sane.

Recipes:

My go to cookie recipe for whenever I’m in a bad mood (that’s when I bake) is this¬†Soft Snickerdoodle Cookie Recipe. The taste of these cookies make me feel like I’ve done something right in my life. I feel like a baking god even though all I do is follow the recipe. If 24 cookies is too much for you, halve the recipe or freeze/ refrigerate some of the dough.

Alternatively, since I’m a vegetarian I eat a lot of alternative protein sources like tofu. This¬†Crispy Tofu Recipe¬†leads to wonderful tasting tofu (I know, that’s an oxymoron for a lot of people) that can be combined with many-a-dish for a satisfying meat free meal. You can even make tacos with these tofu bits.

Clothing:

I’m waiting on a clothing haul I ordered but my current favorite item that I wear everyday is this¬†Floppy Sun Hat¬†from Amazon in the color beige. I’m serious about my sun protection and this hat makes me feel more secure walking around outside after my sunscreen has doubtlessly worn off (because if I’m wearing makeup I find it hard to reapply every two hours as directed).

Beverages:

This one is simple: Polar water. Get it in your favorite flavor from Walmart, grocery stores, etc and rejoice in water that tastes almost like soda but has zero calories. This might be the lazy person’s approach to getting enough water, but it has made my water drinking go up exponentially. My favorite flavors are the limited addition Strawberry Sunrise and Pineapple Grapefruit.

Media:

I’m used to reading 200+ books a year but this year got off to a shaky start with numerous health problems, stresses, etc. so I haven’t read a lot at all. However, I started reading again because I was able to find a new combined addition of a series from one of my favorite authors N.K. Jemisin, called¬†The Dreamblood Duology. She’s an awesome sci-fi writer who is really expanding the genre as far as inclusivity, quality, and world-building goes. The last book in her The Broken Earth trilogy,¬†The Stone Sky¬†is coming out in August and I couldn’t be more excited.

As far as TV goes, I recently watched the Handmaid’s Tale and the second season of Sense8. Both were fantastic. The Handmaid’s Tale is one of the few TV shows/ movies that I felt added to it’s source material instead of detracting from it and it explored dystopian terror in the way that I feel is highly relevant to America’s current political atmosphere (despite the fact that the book was written in the 80s, though the show was altered to take place in modern times).

Sense8 was just a wonderful, highly dynamic show to watch. The relationships, depiction of people from all different races, walks of life, and sexualities gave me a feeling a hope while I watched it. It was also a sci-fi show, which made it extra enjoyable for me. Thankfully, even though the show got canceled, it’s coming back for a feature length movie.

Beauty:

I haven’t been wearing that many products this month, and definitely not many new ones. My go-tos have been mainly lip products because my lips are so chapped during the summer months.

Fresh’s Lip Treatment SPF in Berry¬†and¬†Jack Black’s SPF Lip Balm¬†have been my two spf lip balms, my choice varying on whether or not I want some tint or a clear balm for underneath makeup.¬†Smith’s Mocha Rose ¬†is my favorite all-round lip balm because it smells so good.

My newest lipstick that I’d been coveting for awhile and finally purchased is¬†Bite Beauty’s Amuse Bouche Lipstick in Dragonfruit¬†because I love the name and the beautiful, summery, magenta/violet color for the warm months.

My favorite eye product in recent memory (that seriously packs a punch) is ¬†Stilla’s Magnificent Metals Liquid Eyeshadow in Diamond Dust.¬†It’s a lovely product that makes my eyes sparkle to the high heavens and I’ve never worn anything that got me more compliments on my eye look (I usually pair it with shadows from The Modern Renaissance Palette by Anastasia Beverly Hills but it can definitely be worn alone). Just make sure you use glitter glue. All of the shades in this line are amazing and I’m looking to purchase¬†Sunset Cove¬†in the near future to create a perfect mermaid eye.

Dries Van Noten par Frederic Malle¬†was a graduation gift and it’s my favorite fragrance of all time. To me it smells like a french bakery. I can’t get enough of it. I keep it on my new vanity in view of my bed so I can stare at the bottle.

I’ve found my favorite Etsy shop called the Tattoorary which makes a whole bunch of beautiful temporary tattoos in various prints/ patterns and designs. My current favorite is this¬†vintage floral design¬†which looks very similar to something I want permanently tattooed on me in the near future. Right now I’m ordering these to figure out where I might want something permanently placed, if I truly like the idea of ink on my body, and simply to have fun.

That about wraps it up. What were your favorite products/ items over the past couple of months?

 

 

Interview, Diploma, and Home Troubles: Goal Update

This is going to be an extremely candid post.

My family and I don’t get along. My struggles with OCD, eating, depression, and anxiety frustrate my family, especially my mother. Until recently, my father didn’t believe in mental health issues and it took several discussions with doctors and several (repeated) second and third opinions/ official diagnoses to get him understand. My mom has her own problems but never has been able to understand why certain things are difficult for me because they aren’t difficult for her. She heavily disputes my need for medication but wonders why things start to go wrong when I’m not on it. Her expressed opinion is that my disorders make her life more difficult, she didn’t do anything to deserve this, and her behavior generally consists of her and my brother repeatedly mocking me. Despite her opinion of me, she has always resented that I moved so far away to go to school because she feels a lot of my problems could’ve been avoided if she were there to ‘watch over me’.

None of this is to say I don’t love them or that I don’t contribute to issues in my family. ¬†I’m definitely not always perfect or right, and things have been extremely tense recently. It’s just to say that my current situation isn’t a healthy environment for me and I should’ve never moved home, despite my parents insistence that things would be different and they would help me get healthy. Only my Father has been making an effort and to be honest, I still resent him for his previous beliefs and accusations about me being weak, making up my mental state, and purposely sabotaging my family. He has since admitted that his previous attitudes were incorrect but has never apologized and frequently says similar things when he is angry at me.

That is my current living situation, which might help to explain my current lack of enthusiasm for being out of school because despite whatever stress I was experiencing there, I wasn’t alone and I came home to a peaceful environment. Still, despite all this, I’ve made some progress with a few of my goals.

Job: I just came back from an interview I almost didn’t go to. I haven’t been feeling well recently and my parents and I have been fighting nonstop so I wasn’t very hopeful that the interview would amount to anything for me. Still, I went to the interview, was told that I was a good fit for the job, and that I would hear back for sure within the week. While it’s great that the interview didn’t go crappy and that I genuinely liked the manager and the atmosphere of the store, I’m a bit worried. First of all, I need a job really soon/ already needed one, the work while seemingly enjoyable, doesn’t relate to my grad school plans in the slightest, and I don’t know if I’ll get hired. Honestly, there aren’t many opportunities for employment (or otherwise) around where I live and I’m gratified for the opportunity to interview there and would love to be employed, but I’m distressed that all of the other places that have offered me interviews for jobs that relate to my field of study were too far away for me to commute. I really should get over this, but there is little more embarrassing to me personally than when someone asks me what I’m doing now that I’ve graduated and I have to tell them a) I’m looking for employment after recovering him an illness and b) that I’m seeking employment in an area that is not at all related to what I spent four years getting my degree in and it’s not by choice. The looks of pity, verbally expressed disapproval, questions about how well I did in school if I haven’t been able to find a job (actually, I did very well, thank you) are too much for me. I hate that my current situation is most likely going to look like that for the next two years of my life because grad school keeps getting postponed.

GRE and LSATS:¬†I was extremely discouraged this past week since it felt like all my efforts were fruitless and going to amount to nothing so I haven’t been doing any studying at all. I hope to start again today. Testing and writing have always been two things I’ve been good at but it’s been hard to focus.

Cooking:¬†I ran out of most of my food and need to purchase more. When I was feeling really sad, I foolishly lapsed into some disordered behaviors and threw away a package of my food thinking ‘if it’s not here I can’t eat it and gain weight’. Yep, that’s completely my fault. I also made cookies for myself and my family but my mom didn’t want any and tried to throw those out before my dad rescued them.

Transportation:¬†I’m ordered a bike today so I can leave my house more, exercise, and avoid dealing with my family.

Volunteering/ Classes:¬†Same as last week (no progress), but if I can get a job soon, I have hope that I’ll be able to look into something .

Furniture:¬†I now have a bed, box spring, chair, chest of drawers, and vanity that I’ve purchased. I still need to paint my walls so I can’t unpack, but it’s nice to have places to put my things in the future.

Dating:¬†I don’t feel much like leaving my house, talking to any of my old friends, or much less like going on a date. I’ve had a few seat up, but I never end up making the final plans. I don’t imagine I’d have much to talk about with my life being a certifiable mess so I’m just going to stay out of that for a long time. I also don’t look anywhere near my best atm.

That’s about it! Sorry for the depressing update. I hope next week will be better and I’ll feel more encouraged to write a better post. ūüôā